Infertility questions I've thought about.

Do I regret not trying harder to have a baby before my hysterectomy?

• No.  I did as much as I felt I was comfortable and emotionally able to handle.  I was also realistic to the outcome ( high risk for a miscarriage).  I didn't want to spend too many days, months or years trying for something that was not a guarantee and that was making me miserable.  At the time, we didn't have the money to adopt either.

How has infertility changed my relationship with my husband?

• I know how much he loves me now.  He loved me enough to stay with me even though I wasn't able to give him any children.  We have grown stronger as a couple and have more time for each other because we never had to raise little kids.   

How has infertility changed me as a person?

• It is true when they say "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger".  I have had to go above and beyond self exploration to figure out who I am because of my infertility.  I have experienced so much heartache through the years because I always thought I would be a mother to my own child.  When I finally accepted the fact that I would never have children of my own, I went through a personal life changing shift.  Because of my infertility my book was born.  Because of my book my confidence has grown.  I have been able to connect with other people in such a way that I wouldn't have been able to if I was like everyone else.

How has going from a foster mother to an adoptive mother changed me.

•  We just adopted our 22 year old former foster daughter last week and it's been hard for me to process that she is ours now because I didn't give birth to her.  I know I love her but now I have to figure out how to be a mother instead of a foster mother.  I don't want to disappoint her.  I think I took her for granted right after she was adopted.  Similar to how some people are after they get married.  Not good.  It is still new to me and a struggle that I'm trying to undertake.  Though, I am happy that she is apart of our family now.  I don't think it has sunk in all the way yet.

Am I happy?

• Yes.  For a long time I didn't think I would ever be happy again but now that I've experienced so much in my life I can truely say that I'm happy to be alive.  When you are in your dark place you can't imagine ever being happy again, but it will come.  Maybe not right away but if you give it half a chance you might surprise yourself.

Adoption Day!

We finally received the adoption court date which is on Oct 11.  We are so excited!

New Price!

You can now purchase my book for $1.99 at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/103187

Also, very soon, you can purchase my book at Amazon kindle for only $2.99.  The changes are still being reviewed. But, at the present, it is available for $3.99 http://www.amazon.com/Lost-Sea-Mothers-Mother-ebook/dp/B006HN4RM6/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1343480678&sr=1-1&keywords=lost+in+a+sea+of+mothers

Baby Shower :/

I know it's too early to think about hosting a baby shower for Eva but I can't stop thinking about it.  I think I need 6 months just to try to convince myself to do it.  I haven't been to one in almost 15 years because it hurts too much to attend one.  I'm going to be a grandmother and I want to support my daughter.  I feel very conflicted.  Should I ask someone else to do it for me?  Anyone have any advice for me.  I want to do the right thing but save my sanity too.

Adopting young adult.

My husband and I are in the process of adopting, Eva, a former foster child, who will be 22 next month.  She came to us at 15 and left at 16.  She came back to us a year ago and we have reestablished a relationship with her and she is progressing very nicely and we love her very much.  Also, Eva is 8 weeks and 2 days pregnant today.  She and her boyfriend are working hard trying to save money for when the baby comes.  She is due in February.

From my fans!

Thanks so much for all of your support and feedback.  It's much appreciated.  Here are a few kind words from my FB and Twitter followers.

FB-"Great book!!! I too have endo stage 4 and u have inspired me to tell my story."

 "@Liasomothers just finished ur book. I am moved beyond words! You are an inspiration in SO many ways!! Every1 needs a copy! ‪#endometriosis"

FB-"as a woman that is newly dealing with the possiblity of not becoming a mother due to a miscarriage and many failed iui attempts, this book is very helpful. its comforting to know that there are other people that understand that feelings that come along with this. I recommended on my own page that people, with and without children read your book.....it can be hard for people that have children easily to understand what we who cannot go through on a daily basis. Thank you for this book!"
         -"well, your book helped me not feel like the only person in the world that deals with this.... i thank you for that"

And thanks for the kind reviews on Amazon :)
        

Trying to Live Shame-Free

Check out a piece I wrote for Life Without Baby blog at http://lifewithoutbaby.wordpress.com/2012/05/17/guest-post-trying-to-live-shame-free/#comment-4462