Monday, October 22, 2012

Facebook Fan message

Thank you so much for writing your story. I was diagnosed with endo before I met my husband. I had laser removal the year before we started dating, so he never saw how bad everything actually got. But now, 4 years after surgery, I know it's coming back and I'm terrified. I just can't seem to make him understand what we're up against. I found your book last night on my Kindle and read it all in one sitting. I hope that I can convince Thomas to read it as well, because you found the words that always fail me. You were able to describe the physical and emotional pain I've felt for so long...and the fear about the effect of infertility on a marriage. So, thank you for sharing and for letting me know that I'm not alone...there are many of us facing this agony silently, too embarrassed to say anything. "

FB fan Heather-

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Infertility questions I've thought about.

Do I regret not trying harder to have a baby before my hysterectomy?
  • No.  I did as much as I felt I was comfortable and emotionally able to handle.  I was also realistic to the outcome ( high risk for a miscarriage).  I didn't want to spend too many days, months or years trying for something that was not a guarantee and that was making me miserable.  At the time, we didn't have the money to adopt either.
How has infertility changed my relationship with my husband?
  • I know how much he loves me now.  He loved me enough to stay with me even though I wasn't able to give him any children.  We have grown stronger as a couple and have more time for each other because we never had to raise little kids.   
How has infertility changed me as a person?
  • It is true when they say "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger".  I have had to go above and beyond self exploration to figure out who I am because of my infertility.  I have experienced so much heartache through the years because I always thought I would be a mother to my own child.  When I finally accepted the fact that I would never have children of my own, I went through a personal life changing shift.  Because of my infertility my book was born.  Because of my book my confidence has grown.  I have been able to connect with other people in such a way that I wouldn't have been able to if I was like everyone else.
How has going from a foster mother to an adoptive mother changed me.
  •  We just adopted our 22 year old former foster daughter last week and it's been hard for me to process that she is ours now because I didn't give birth to her.  I know I love her but now I have to figure out how to be a mother instead of a foster mother.  I don't want to disappoint her.  I think I took her for granted right after she was adopted.  Similar to how some people are after they get married.  Not good.  It is still new to me and a struggle that I'm trying to undertake.  Though, I am happy that she is apart of our family now.  I don't think it has sunk in all the way yet.
Am I happy?
  • Yes.  For a long time I didn't think I would ever be happy again but now that I've experienced so much in my life I can truely say that I'm happy to be alive.  When you are in your dark place you can't imagine ever being happy again, but it will come.  Maybe not right away but if you give it half a chance you might surprise yourself.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Adoption Day!

We finally received the adoption court date which is on Oct 11.  We are so excited!

Saturday, July 28, 2012

New Price!

You can now purchase my book for $1.99 at

Also, very soon, you can purchase my book at Amazon kindle for only $2.99.  The changes are still being reviewed. But, at the present, it is available for $3.99

Friday, July 20, 2012

Baby Shower :/

I know it's too early to think about hosting a baby shower for Eva but I can't stop thinking about it.  I think I need 6 months just to try to convince myself to do it.  I haven't been to one in almost 15 years because it hurts too much to attend one.  I'm going to be a grandmother and I want to support my daughter.  I feel very conflicted.  Should I ask someone else to do it for me?  Anyone have any advice for me.  I want to do the right thing but save my sanity too.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Adopting young adult.

My husband and I are in the process of adopting, Eva, a former foster child, who will be 22 next month.  She came to us at 15 and left at 16.  She came back to us a year ago and we have reestablished a relationship with her and she is progressing very nicely and we love her very much.  Also, Eva is 8 weeks and 2 days pregnant today.  She and her boyfriend are working hard trying to save money for when the baby comes.  She is due in February.

From my fans!

Thanks so much for all of your support and feedback.  It's much appreciated.  Here are a few kind words from my FB and Twitter followers.

FB-"Great book!!! I too have endo stage 4 and u have inspired me to tell my story."

 " just finished ur book. I am moved beyond words! You are an inspiration in SO many ways!! Every1 needs a copy! "

FB-"as a woman that is newly dealing with the possiblity of not becoming a mother due to a miscarriage and many failed iui attempts, this book is very helpful. its comforting to know that there are other people that understand that feelings that come along with this. I recommended on my own page that people, with and without children read your can be hard for people that have children easily to understand what we who cannot go through on a daily basis. Thank you for this book!"
         -"well, your book helped me not feel like the only person in the world that deals with this.... i thank you for that"

And thanks for the kind reviews on Amazon :)

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

I was built for mothering not marketing!

I have been searching for so long for other peoples approval and praise that I forgot about why I wrote my book in the first place.  I keep wanting more!  I feel like I've only helped a few women and I'm having a hard time spreading the word because I don't want to bombard people with heavy marketing on my blog, Twitter and Facebook.  I believe in my work and I'm proud of what I wrote but I lack the skills and too conscientious about being in peoples faces on spreading the word.  My timidness is holding me back.

I live everyday waiting to see who wrote to me on Facebook or Twitter or commented on my blog.  I need this attention because I'm not getting it from the kids I'm suppose to have.  My foster kids do praise me and are proud of me but they are all adults and have their own lives to live.  I barely got to live the life I've always dreamed of.   I wanted to be a mother from scratch.  I have come a long way but at times it's hard to see this.

My book is my baby and I'm not a very good mother right now.

I have read so many blogs my brain is going to explode.  I've read so many sites on how to market your book but you need a certain amount of charisma and charm to be good at it.  I knew it wasn't going to be easy but never thought it would be this hard.  I was built for mothering not marketing.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012


Excerpt from Chapter Eighteen--

"When the paramedics finally arrived, I was relieved but felt self-conscious as well.  I mentioned that I had taken a Midol earlier, but it didn’t even come close to curbing my pain.  As the paramedics evaluated me I couldn’t help but feel embarrassed that I wasn’t able to handle the pain I was having and that I wanted to go to the emergency room for painful cramps.  I was so dizzy and in such pain I didn’t know what else to do."

Monday, April 9, 2012


Still working hard trying to get my book noticed.  So far I have sold 35 copies since I first released it in Nov 2011.  Not the greatest number but it could be worse.  I'm hoping it will pick up within the next two years.  The Hunger Games book was released in 2008 and it has only recently taken off so that gives me some hope.  I guess it takes a long time for word of mouth to travel to so many people.  I haven't given up hope but I have put off writing my next book for a while.  I really enjoy meeting new people on Twitter.  I know it's not the greatest route to go but I'm still a newbie and I like meeting people from all over the world.

My foster kids keep me quite busy.  Eva moved back in last May and we have been getting along great.  I really enjoy spending time with her and we became even closer when my parents took her and I camping last summer for four days.  Eva received her drivers license last month and now saving up to buy her own car.  For now she drives Larry's car to work on the weekends (his car is smaller than mine, I have a SUV type vehicle) and during the week I take her.  Eva turns 22 in August 2012.

Shurik still lives in D.C. and recently got a new job working as an office administrator at a real estate investment firm.  We're very proud.  Shurik will be 23 in August 2012.

Ellie moved out last fall because she and Larry were not seeing eye to eye and the relationship is now estranged.  We get periodic updates from her sister Eva and to our surprise she recently sent us a complimentary message through Facebook.  Ellie turned 19 two months ago.  She has not visited us since she moved out.

Darya is doing well and still lives on her own.  She has dated a few different people but nothing serious yet.  She regularly visits us and sometimes spends the weekend.  Darya will be 23 in July 2012.

Larry and I invited Darya and Shurik over so we could spend Easter with all three kids.  I made them Easter baskets and filled them with candy.  Also, I bought two Easter games for them to play, they had a blast.

Q and A

If anyone has questions about the book or anything else, please feel free to ask:)